Dang, the Germans don't mess around.

Ok, I have heard about this before but never believed it. It's true, Germany has two Santas.

There is a good Santa and a bad Santa. The good Santa (the guy in red) is named St. Nikolaus. He's the one that comes and gives gifts to all the good kids. The bad Santa (the guy in brown with the crazy look in his eye) is named Knecht Ruprecht. Knecht Ruprecht is Nikolaus' helper. If any of the kids are bad, he takes them out into the street and beats them. Yes, you read that right. Santa will kick your ass if you are bad. So you can image, all the kids are very good over here around Christmas. (Ha! I'm glad I grew up in America where Santa's helpers were just nice little elves making toys for us. I probably would have got the beat down if I grew up in Europe.)

Also, did you know that Santa doesn't deliver gifts to everyone on December 24th? Remind me to tell that to my mom. That was her excuse to make me ask Santa for a smaller gift. She said, "Santa has to carry gifts for kids all over the world, so you should ask for something smaller than a pony." I just found out that is some bullshit. Santa comes to Germany on December 6th. I could have asked for pony, damn it. I am calling my mom.

P.S. If you want to read more about Knecht Ruprecht (I know you do) check out this link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Knecht_Ruprecht

P.S.S. The German sitting next me is suggesting I put in the phonetic pronunciation for Knecht Ruprecht for you. So here you go: (k-nesht roo-presht). You're welcome.

Insight #1: The Europeans actually like us.*

Yes, they really do like us...*(if you don't fall into the "Stupid, self centered American" category.)

I know what you're thinking: "What the hell does that mean!? Is she calling me stupid and self centered? What a hoebag."

Easy tiger, that's just the stereotype. And I'm just trying to help. Let's face it, we have a bad rap. Unfortunately we have the reputation for dressing flashy and lacking knowledge of geography, world politics and current events. We Americans also like to assume everyone in the world speaks English. They don't.

I have come up with a few tips on how to make some Euro friends and NOT to fall into the "Stupid, self centered American" category:

Tip #1- Dress code: Don't dress like you're in Vegas. Vegas is Vegas, period. Europe is well...Europe. Leave your stilettos and Bon Qui Qui hoop earrings at home bitches. Ghetto fabulous is not in style over here and they only have stone roads. Hooker heals and stone roads don't mix. Trust me on this one. (My ankle still hurts. Haha!)

Tip #2- Geopraphy: Look at a map so you know a few more cities other than London, Paris and Amsterdam. (You sinner.) And be able to actually point the cities and maybe even a few countries out on the map. You'll be surprised and think, "Wow, I didn't know Sweden was so big. Shit, I thought it was only the size of one Ikea."

Tip #3- Politics: Brush up on your politics and current world events. I know watching the Guidos on MTV is much more exciting (it's T-shirt timmme!). But the first thing you will get asked over here is what do you think of Obama and his foreign policy. If you say, " Umm yeah, Obama is cool," and end it there you've lost all respect and you fall into the stupid American category. Read online newspapers or watch some BBC World News before you go skipping around the world.

Tip #4- Language: Pick up a language book that comes with a CD. The Berlitz books are good. You can find them on Amazon for 15 bucks. Listen and learn how to say a few words. Your efforts will go a long way. You might even get a free beer. Either way, you'll make friends with the locals. The best phrases to know are: "Please, thank you, where are the restrooms and yes I am from Canada."

Well you see, what happened was...

I am not a writer. I'm just a kid from Orange County, CA. I lived in my slip-on Vans and flip flops all year round. I ate tacos at midnight and cured a hangover with Sunday Funday.
This year I did something crazy and moved my ass to Europe. Yeah, we're not in fucking Kansas anymore Toto. Funny things have happen so I decided to blog about it.