Never be afraid.

My friends jokingly call me Dr. Phil. Not because I’m bald or rock a mustache. It’s because I listen to them. If they ask for advice, I give it to them straight. No bullshit. The session usually ends with a good hug and a stiff alcoholic beverage.

Recently, one of my best friends called me crying. I immediately started putting beer into my refrigerator and invited her over. She has been having a hard time with some change that has been happening in her life. As she cried over the phone and told me her story, I decided a beer and a hug wasn't going to be enough. So I read her something I wrote at the beginning of the year. It was something that helped me during a dark time in my life. As I finished reading it to her, she asked me to post it. She said it would help a lot of people. So, as requested, this one’s for you:

*****

Let’s be real, this past year hasn’t been the easiest for any of us. There has been too much death. Death of family, friends, relationships and sometimes hope. Yeah, I’ve had those moments where I wished life came with a delete button. One push of the button and all of the pain would go away. If only it was that easy.

“Take it as a life lesson,” they say. Learn from your past and make it your future. So what in the hell have I learned this past year? A lot. I have learned change is constant. People will disappoint you. Friends will save your life. Your family will too. People will die. Relationships will end. It’s ok not to be ok. A hug can keep you going. Music can be medicine. Writing can be therapy. And in the end, everything will be ok.

A few months ago, I stood at the back of a funeral and heard something that will be etched into my mind forever. A minister said calmly, “If you could describe life in one word it would be change. Your life will change all of the time. How you will be remembered will be how dealt with change and how you turned it into your destiny. When things change in your life, it’s for a reason. Never be afraid. It’s an opportunity for something great to happen.”

Let’s all remember that and make it our theme for this year. Let’s turn 2012 into an opportunity for great things to happen to us.

*****

Never be afraid. If you are in a bad relationship, get out. If you’re recently single, there's a reason. If you’re single and giving up on finding love, stop looking. That’s when you’ll find it. If you hate your job, find one that makes you happy. If you’re still looking for your dream job, keep looking. You’ll find it when you’re supposed to. If something is bothering you, talk about it. If you love someone, tell them. If you see sadness in the eyes of a friend, give them a good squeeze. It’s amazing what that can do. Remember, we’re all in this together.

Love you guys.

xo,

Sar

Don't tell anybody...but I moved back.

I’m not surviving Europe anymore. It’s in the past tense now. You could say I survived Europe.

I have been back for three weeks and still have not unpacked. I have three black suitcases sitting on the floor next to my closet. They stare at me everyday and say, “Open us! Get over it already.” Those three black bags contain my life for the past year and a half. Clothes, shoes, pictures, music, books, artwork, gifts, little cards...everything. Those practical and sentimental objects have been waiting patiently to come out of the dark.

Why have I put off opening those bags? They are just things. What am I afraid of? Today I told myself today was the day. Today I will unpack. But instead, those three bags are still full, sitting next to me, staring at me. Instead, I am sitting at my computer crying. I’m not going to lie, I’m listening to Adele. She is not helping but she’s right, “Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead.”

For those of you who know me, you know my story. For those of you who don’t know me, I have a secret. I didn’t just move to Europe because I’m a bad ass and wanted to live my European dream. Well that was only part of it. I fell in love and I fell hard. I moved to Europe to start a life with a wonderful German man. A month ago, that wonderful man cheated on me. My heart died. It was more than broken, it was lifeless, numb and well just...dead. A year and a half ago I moved across the world, sold all of my things and said goodbye to my friends and family because I believed in love. Maybe I feel as if my heart died because that belief is gone now.

In a blink of an eye, my life changed. I broke up with that wonderful man, quit my job and booked a one-way flight back to LA. I said goodbye to all of my German friends and family including his 7-year-old son. Let me rephrase that, I had to say goodbye to our son. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my entire life.

Now I am here in California...in tears...sitting next to three full suitcases that I can't open. At least not yet. It hurts too much. They still smell like the laundry detergent from Germany. It still makes me cry to see a life that didn’t work out. A life I had so much hope for.

But now it’s time for me. At least that’s what my friends have been telling me. It’s my time now. Time to find myself again. Time to find out what the hell I’m going to do with my life. Time to rebuild. Time to find my passion. Time to find my purpose...whatever that may be.

To my German friends and family, thank you for helping me and teaching me about your culture. Thank you for making me feel at home. I love you and I will never forget you.

To my American friends and family, thank you for welcoming me back with open arms. Thank you for listening. Thank you for hugging me tight when you see the tears start to roll down my face. Thank you for the encouraging words. I love you guys. Maybe you are right. Maybe now is my time...

"How was Amsterdam?"

My dad and stepmom are coming to visit this summer. It's their first trip to Europe so they have been asking about places to go. My stepmom asked about Paris and Rome. My dad asked about Amsterdam.

"How was Amsterdam? Did you see any windmills?" my dad asked.

"Um no, but I saw a lot of hookers and weed," I replied.

"Oh, that sounds great!" he said as he laughed so hard he struggled for air.

(Before I continue, let me tell you about my dad. I call him Bill. Bill is a business man, a Republican and a golfer. He's a business suit during the week and khaki pants on the weekend type of guy. I think I have seen him drink two times and have only heard him swear when he stubs his toe. It's kind of funny. He jumps around and turns red.)

Anyway, it is completely natural for my stepmom to ask about Paris and Rome. But why would Bill ask about Amsterdam? I'll tell you why...because Bill wants to party.

They asked me to email them a list of things to do and places to go.

This was my email to my dad:



Hi Bill,

As requested, I made a list for you of things to do and see in Amsterdam. I hope you like it.

This is Bill's "How to party and not get arrested in A'dam" List:



1. Visit a coffeeshop.
I'm not talking Starbucks, kid. This is where you go to get high. Go to the Greenhouse. There's a bunch of closet hippies there just like yourself. Remember, almost everything is legal in Amsterdam so have fun. And don't worry, you're not going to be "the old guy." There were people in their mid 20's to mid 70's there. I even saw some puffy white hair at one table. I suggest you make some friends at the coffeeshop then go for a scavengure hunt for this wall. I promise this bird will speak to you with a British accent.

2. Check out a smartshop.
This is not a book store. Think of it more like a gift and garden shop. They sell gifts, magic mushrooms from all over the world and kits to grow...plants. You know what I'm talking about Bill. You went through the 70's.

3. Steal a bike.
There are plenty to choose from and it's the best way to see the city. I like the yellow one. (On second thought, this might be one of the few things that's actually illegal in Holland. So, scratch that.)

4. Find a sex shop.
They are all over the place. The best one's are the gay sex shops. It's amazing what they can do with leather. You'll stand there and think, "Whoa, where does that go?" (Sorry Bill, they wouldn't let me take pictures in the gay leather sex shop for you. You'll just have to settle for a photo the creative condom shop. Check out the condom on the bottom with the spikes. Winner!)

5. High 5 a hooker.
It's €50 for 15 minutes of High 5's...or anything else you want to do, like playing Scrabble or whatever. Or you can just walk around the district and window shop. I took an "under cover" Red Light District tour. It was fantastic. I learned all about the prostitution business and where to find the live sex shows. I'm an A'dam hooker specialist now thanks to this tour. If you want to be a hooker specialist too, check out randyroysredlightdistricttours.com. It's a good time.

6. Don't forget to eat.
Waffles from a vending machine are always interesting. But if you want real food, the Indonesian food was really good. Go to Kantjil & de Tijger. Yelp it: http://www.yelp.com/biz/kantjil-and-de-tijger-amsterdam

7. Find a good place to sleep.
After all the Scrabble action, you're going to need your beauty sleep Bill. I suggest a bed and breakfast. Check amsterdam-bed-and-breakfasts.com and weekendhotel.nl for the best ones. Look for places in the Centrum. Then everything is walking distance and you won't have to steal any bikes.

Well, that's it for now Bill. If I think if anything else, I'll let you know. Have fun...sinner. Love you!

Xoxo,
Your kid



**I will have my dad keep track where they go and what they do. Then I'll have him make his own list. Ha! I'll keep you guys posted.

"Loca People" a.k.a. The WTF Song

I love all types of music. I especially love songs that talk about Spain and calling Johnny. Thank you French radio station for introducing this song to me today. The lyrics are brilliant.
*Side note: Mom, I don't think you are going to like this one.

Really?

Dear Singapore Airlines,
I'm looking for a flight from Frankfurt to LA for a summer trip back home. I noticed you had a special offer on an economy flight. It was only €18,098. That's about $25,000 for one flight. I'm loaded so that sounds reasonable.

I made a list of things I would like included in that price:

1. I get to hang out with the pilot and then fly the plane.
2. Free drinks...for the whole 33 hours and 55 minutes.
3. A fire dancer show will take place in First Class followed by a live band.
4. Hookers and cookies for everyone!
5. I get to inflate a life vest whenever I want. And blow the whistle.
6. I get to parachute out of the back of the plane.


Thanks and see you in June,
Sar

P.S. How much would it be to upgrade to first class? I want to get a good seat for the fire show.

We're not assholes, I promise.

So where do I begin?
Let's start with the current events.

Two days ago, our 7 year old and I were watching the morning news. There were live videos of Americans in NY and Washington D.C. yelling and chanting. Some were holding flags. Some were holding signs. Some were singing. The first question that came from our 7 year old was, " Wow, what's happening in America? Did they win a big game?" The only way I could answer that was, "Yeah, you could say that." Then he read the headline, "Bin Laden Dead." The next question was, "Why are they happy someone died?"

I sat there for a minute in silence wondering how I was going to explain that to a 7 year old. Then I sat there for another minute wondering how I was going to explain that to my European friends without sounding like an asshole.

So here it goes. Let's start with the American culture. Americans are patriotic and emotional and we are not afraid to show it. Patriotism is promoted and encouraged in the United States. It is also socially acceptable to show how you feel. The only time the Europeans are allowed to be patriotic and emotional is if their football team makes it to the World Cup finals. Really, that is the only time you will see national flags over here.

Please remember our past. Everyone has experienced a death but not everyone had experienced tragedy. New York and Washington D.C. have experienced tragedy. Even if you were not living in one of these cities, your life as an American was affected. Our lives changed. It was a very sad and uncertain time. Everyone knew someone in NY or DC who's mother, father, brother, sister or friend died in the attacks. Everyone knew someone who was getting sent off to the Middle East to fight. We were afraid to travel and security procedures became a pain in the ass. We were afraid of a military draft and color coded security alerts. Just like a good horror movie, the scariest part was the anticipation of what was going to happen next. We were all left wondering what would really happen next?

So what did happen? Two presidents and two wars later, the promise was kept to the Americans that Bin Laden would be found. That's why we were celebrating. The promise was kept.

A part of me is happy Bin Laden is gone and I want to sing, "America, fuck yeah!" There is another part of me that sad because it brings back the painful memories of our past. And then there is a part of me that worries and wonders what will happen next?

Oh yeah...and to my European friends, we're really not assholes. I promise.

Richard comes to Germany!

 3 pm: Richard and Tommy go to the carnival parade.

4 pm: Richard finds some fake Mexicans.

5 pm: Richard high fives the Easter Bunny.

6 pm: Richard does some shots with the Mayor.

8 pm: Richard is down. Jet lag is a bitch. Haha!

I had to take my sister (I call her Richard) back to the airport today. Richard was here visiting me for the last week and it has been a riot. Hanging with her is always an adventure and I have not laughed that hard in a while. I miss her. It was hard to say goodbye and I didn't think I would be this sad, but I am. Honestly, I have been in tears since I hugged and kissed her goodbye this morning.

I thought maybe if I wrote about the funny things that happened I wouldn't be so sad. So I made a list of the top 10 Richard quotes from this trip:

1. "Dude, how do you open this window?.....Oh shit, did I break it?....Sorry man." (The windows here have weird handles on them and open like a refrigerator door.)

2. "Where in the hell is the light switch? I can't find it."...as she slaps the bathroom walls in the dark. (The light switches are on the outside of the rooms here.)

3. "I have to pay 50 cents to use the public bathroom? Dude, can the bathroom lady break a 20? I gotta pee."

4. "They don't have toilet seat covers or paper towels in the restrooms? Well maybe that's just a California thing. They don't have toilet seat covers in Wisconsin either."

5. "Did they just ask if I wanted mayonnaise on my fries? Hell yeah! How do you say that in German?"

6. "It's legal to drink in the streets!? For real? Dang, let's pack some beer next time. Or we can tailgate at the grocery store, bump some music and call it a good time."

7. "That pretzel is bigger than my head."

8. "You guys hall ass over here." -talking about driving on the Autobahn.

9. "What is going on? I don't understand. Everyone is drunk in the street and it's only 3 pm." - at the street parade.

10. "I have no idea what he is saying so I am just going to smile and say, 'Ja'." - as she smiles and nods to the German guy who is trying to buy her a drink.

Thanks for a great time Richard. I love you man. I miss you already.

Love,
Tommy